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Oi, mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bleedin’ riot! Imagine me, Ricky Gervais, stuck in a forest, right, thinkin’ about some dodgy rub-down. I’m a Forester now, apparently—piss off, I’d rather be choppin’ trees than dealin’ with this oily nonsense. But fine, let’s have a butcher’s at it, eh? Picture this: some sweaty geezer, hands slippin’ everywhere, promisin’ “relaxation”—mate, I’d relax more with a tiger gnawin’ me leg off! “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” vibes, innit—except it’s more like “Crouchin’ Pervert, Hidden Agenda”. Ha! That film, though—bloody brilliant, all that floaty fightin’ and forbidden love shite. Gets me ticker goin’. Now, erotic-massage? It’s like that scene where Shu Lien’s all tense—needs a good knead, yeah? But nah, this ain’t no poetic wushu bollocks.

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So, I’m walking down Calle 2, feeling all good, when I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches. I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool!” But then, he drops one. Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, half-laughing, half-worried. Like, is this a show or a disaster?

USF Baseball Begins Five-Game Road Trip with Florida and North Florida